Losing someone
Your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror
up to where you are bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here’s the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see.
Your hand opens and closes, and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced
and coordinated
as birds' wings.
—Mawlana Rumi
No loss is ever a loss and I know you know this but I need you to fully try to deep and understand it.
“The grief of what you’ve lost lifts a mirror” The loss you’re being faced with rn is nothing but a lifting of a mirror. That mirror is showing you sides of you and wounds and realities and truths about you that you wouldn’t be able to see unless being put in this situation.
Someone alive
Yk how they say Allah does everything for a reason? Well yes most of the time we don’t see the reason right away until much later, but for the time being while we “don’t know” and submit to the fact that He is The All-Knowing, the only thing we can start to know is ourself. You must sit and reflect upon what is all this, what Allah is trying to show you within yourself, in the mirror.
Everything and everyone’s beauty and flaws around you is a reflection of parts that you posses within yourself as well.
The Prophet ﷺ said, 1 hour of reflection is greater than 1,000 years of worship. Why is that? Because once we reflect upon the self, we are opened up to truths from God Himself.
How can you see Light (Allah), if your mirror is foggy and dirty? To clear and clean the mirror you must be ready to open your eyes to see so much filth and disgusting trash. Non of us are fully pure and contain a lot of veils within our heart because of our nafs (ego) and so purifying that is the first step to solving or attaining more clarity towards every single “problem in our life.” The root of all our arguments and mishaps with others in this world is directly from the diseases and dirt of our nafs. Some of them include, envy, displeasure with Decree, judgement, pride, boastfulness, suspicion etc.
“And Allah loves those who purify themselves.” [Quran 9:108].
Allah didn’t say He loves those who are pure, but He loves those who strive and work and try to purify themselves (their nafs and heart). So use this time you’re in right now to dig as deep as you need to to find the flaws and dirt within you.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Those barriers are what you’re being forced to look at in the mirror. There is wisdom in every argument, fight, miscommunication you both had.
IT TAKES the loss of something or someone sometimes for someone to get answers.
This all show the power of love. T
We are constantly trying to figure out others, let alone ourselves at the same time
There is no set hour or amount of time required for someone to realize a certain thing.
Lessons are constantly being taught to us, some quicker than others.
It is the true and deepened remembrance of death, that awakens a soul and mind to change their sins and faults because they realize what they’ve been oblivious to.
In love, there is no reality of time and space, it always just is.
And so when the time comes for you to reunite that thing or person Allah has written for you or to be physically together and living in close proximity with that will be a blessing.
And when the time comes for you and that thing or person Allah has written for you to receive something better than what was "lost," that will be a blessing and opening too.
"If Allah findeth any good in your hearts, He will give you something better than what has been taken from you," [Quran 8:70]
You must bring forth that "good" in your heart by purifying yourself, your heart, your nafs, so that Allah may findeth good in your heart and give you good like promised in the Quranic verse above.
But until those “times" come, all you have is the now and what exists in the now from what I’m clearly seeing, is love.
Love drives you mad and also drives you in circles and sometimes to miles and miles away from your actually destination, just to lead you back to where you’re meant to be.
So just find comfort and peace in the fact that right now most certainly is just a rerouting moment on this journey of love that isn’t all smooth and full of sparkles and perfection, because nothing in this world is perfect.
These obstacles are all tests to only test your love and see if you will submit, surrender and fight for Love, and not yourself. We must submit TO and for Love, not for ourselves, because as soon as we starting doing it for us, that is when we are falling on the wrong path, or not “doing it the right way” as you say. But once we love for Love, we will find peace in all these tests and re-directions and temporary “losses.”
Someone whose passed on
no loss is a loss but a gain
podcast episode coming soon
Poem written when my grandfather passed away
Loss is Gain
not a single day goes by
where you don’t cross my mind
the depth of my breath
the heavier it gets
i cover my mouth
so not a soul hears this drought
as i ponder the thousand moments
i had with your presence
the smile is added alongside the tears
out of all feelings, i chose fear
fear of vanishing from this planet
in a split second
without even getting to say bye as a habit
losing you was no loss
yet rather a lesson to forever cross
feeling of regret was another one
not calling you when i was told to
not visiting you in the ER room
because of exams, so much gloom
yet, i still have no one to blame
but myself, she deserves all the shame
your absence has reminded us
to hold onto the remaining dust
to give all attention & love as its a must
because of your passing, i’ve also changed
thanks to you, its qualities that i would have never gained
now when i closen with a human
i care so much as if i’m about to lose them
i get overly upset if i get ignored
by the humans i love, that simply have many chores
i take it too personal sometimes
to the point where i lost friends a couple times
i now have lesser trust
but if i talk to you
know that’s a big step for me to do
the world you’ve left now has
people who annotate lives for a living
discriminating innocent souls who are winning
you were here when the world was better
you being here, made it better
our land is not the same
there’s lots of growth, maybe too much change
this world now revolves around a glass,
a screen that depicts how we should live & laugh
how we should look, say, feel or taste
there’s so much more to say
about my time and age
that you left and are now safe
& so, i continue to cry
in the bathroom stalls, as my breath falls
walking into a class where know one knows
which doesn’t matter as i chose to grow
yet still, there’s no one to call.